The phone calls didn’t alarm us in the beginning… Our mortgage broker is very thorough, so it only seemed right that he’d want to make sure that all of his i’s were dotted and all of his t’s were crossed. Our credit score is higher than it’s ever been, and we’ve qualified for mortgages with him in the past. We assumed that we’d have nothing to worry about. Yes, there was a mortgage crisis several years ago…yes, we understand that it’s harder to borrow money from banks. With our great credit rating, Adrian’s longevity in his employment field, and our down payment, we figured we were set. Even after receiving many calls from our mortgage broker, asking for extra information regarding this deposit in our checking account or that withdrawal from our savings account, we felt confident that everything would be just fine. When he called last week, though, and asked for a letter from Adrian’s employer, explaining how it would work for us to live 200+ miles from his office, I started to worry. Didn’t the underwriter understand that there is a housing crisis here, in northwestern North Dakota?? Didn’t she know that we have eleven children, currently living in a 3 bedroom house?? Perhaps she hadn’t seen how much higher our credit score was…maybe she didn’t see how good of a salesman Adrian is…perhaps she didn’t know how desperate I am?!!
Last Friday, our mortgage broker told Adrian that he wasn’t sure if we’d get the financing for *our* house in Wyoming. He said that the underwriter was concerned about the distance from the house to Adrian’s office (even after the lack-of-housing explanation), with the commission checks Adrian receives (as they aren’t guaranteed), and with the undated employment offer letter Adrian received (who even knew that there needed to be a date on an employment letter?). He said that he still felt quite confident that the loan would go through, but he couldn’t know for sure. All weekend, we wondered… All weekend, I worried. What would we do if we didn’t get financing? Finally, on Sunday, I just couldn’t take it. After church, I melted down. I cried…a lot. Not a cute, girly cry. I cried an ugly, red-faced and body shuddering cry. I asked Adrian, “What will we do?!” He held me close and very calmly said, “Beck, if God wants to change our plans, don’t you think we should let Him?” Well, yeah, but I didn’t want to be so reasonable. I wanted to freak out. Adrian continued to hug me. He said, “If God has another plan, we will follow it. We can look at more houses.” I wanted to tell him that I am sick of looking at houses…that we’ve given up enough already…that I have trusted God enough…that I have spent the past year having faith. Adrian wouldn’t relent. “Beck, God has brought us this far. He isn’t going to let us down.” Why was he being so matter-of-fact? Why wasn’t he crying? Or yelling? I continued to cry my ugly cry, with tears and boogers running down my face. He pulled away, put his hands firmly on my shoulders, and looked me in the eyes. “God has this. We are going to be fine.” What could I say to that?? I believed him. I believe in Him. I wiped my face and gave in. Adrian was right. Whatever happens, God has it. It isn’t right for me to try to make God do what I want. I need to live in His will…not in my own, stubborn will.
Adrian got a call this morning – the mortgage has been approved. It needs to go to USDA (with the 40 acres, we are going to get a USDA loan), which can take up to 10 business days, then the title company needs 3 business days to finish their paperwork. We had planned to close on the house on Thursday, but that has been delayed. We’d been hoping to move over Labor Day weekend – with Adrian having Monday off, paid, it would have been a good time to move. Until we hear from our mortgage broker, that the loan has been approved through USDA, we can’t make final plans for our move. We will continue to pack and to prepare, but we can’t move forward until we have a closing date. God has a reason for the delay. Maybe we’re supposed to be in church, here, one more Sunday. Maybe He’s protecting us from something that would happen if we close on Thursday. Whatever it is, I am going to have faith that He has the perfect time for our family to move. I don’t have to understand it, I just have to believe in Him and His plan.
Faith is a funny thing, really… It’s easy to have faith in some things – I have faith that God created the world, and that the wind is controlled by Him. I have faith that Jesus was born to the virgin, Mary, and that He died and rose from the grave. I have faith that my Grandmas are both in Heaven and that they have been made perfect. Those are things that I just believe… I just know those things without a doubt. Why am I having such a hard time having faith that God is preparing our home for us? Why do I feel like I have to take control of it?
It truly is easier to give up control and know that God has it all under control. So…here I am, digging deep to find faith.
Matthew 10:29-31 Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.
This Journey West has really been a Journey of Faith for my family…and The Journey of Faith continues…forever.
It is a Journey of Life….it is so much more than just a Journey West.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.