Heavenly babies…that is what I call my babies who live in heaven. My babies who never knew the smell of their mommy, or the touch of their daddy…my babies who never knew their brothers and sisters. I often think of my heavenly babies, being held gently in their Heavenly Father’s arms.
My heavenly babies never hurt, they never cried…they never knew heartbreak or disappointment. They only knew the warmth of my womb and then the beauty of heaven. For seven short weeks I held each of them within my womb, their hearts beating and their tiny bodies growing…until, one day, their hearts stilled and the growth stopped. Three babies sent Home before I was ready.
One wee baby I held in my hand. A perfect little person with a beautiful face, tiny hands and feet. I stared at that baby, wondering why I didn’t get the chance to watch him grow up. Wondering why he was taken so abruptly. As I held that baby, I remembered a song I learned in Sunday school… “Zacchaeus was a wee little man, and a wee little man was he…” I gave that name to my precious baby: Zacchaeus. He was so tiny, the name seemed to belong to him. Adrian also held our Baby Zacchaeus. With quiet tears rolling down our cheeks, we both said good-bye to our baby. The only peace I can find is knowing that he has only ever known the perfection of heaven.
My other two babies were never held in my hands, but they very much loved. When I knew that the pregnancies were in danger, I began praying for those babies and calling them by name. Baby Faith and Baby Hope. Each baby, though we only knew of them for such a short time, already held a place in my heart and in my family. I begged God to allow me to keep them. I bargained with Him and made tons of promises. “If only I can keep this baby, Lord…” In the end, my babies were taken to heaven and I had to move on in faith, clinging to the hope that can only be found in Christ.
I have been blessed with many other babies who I am watching grow up. I will forever be thankful for my heavenly babies, for the short time that we shared…and I will forever strive to be the mother that the Lord has called me to be for my babies who are here with me now.
Baby Faith, Baby Hope and Baby Zacchaeus will be waiting for us when our Heavenly Father calls us Home.