Only a short 24 hours ago I was sitting here, at the computer, afraid of what the future would hold…. I was afraid to hear bad news at the Breast Clinic — I was afraid, not only for myself, but (even more) for my family. I prayed, begging God, that I would hear that the lumps in my breast were gone.
This afternoon as I was driving to my mom’s, so she could go to my appointment with me, I heard a song on Praise Radio on satellite. The song, one I had never heard before, had a chorus that said, “He has already taken care of it.” The song paused and a man spoke, “Our God has already taken care of your burden! You are victorious!” I listened to the song, tears welled up in my eyes, claiming God’s victory. I picked up my mom and told her about the song. We then drove to the clinic, filling the silence with small talk…avoiding any discussion of the purpose for our trip.
We parked and had to walk 2 blocks from the parking lot to the clinic. The cold bit into our skin, numbing ears and our legs. We continued our small talk as we walked. When we got into the clinic there were a couple of forms for me to fill out, distracting us from the reason we were there. I signed the papers, then my mom and I looked at a few brochures about breast cancer and treatment options. Just as we closed our last brochure, the technician, Mariah, called me back. She led us to a little room with curtained areas and gave me a gown. She asked me to undress from the waist, up. I stood behind one of the curtains and undressed, putting on the gown and tying it around my waist. My mom and I, again, sat in the waiting area. Another woman sat across from us, also wearing a gown. I wondered about that woman — was she scared? Did she know anything more about herself than I knew about myself? Did she have kids? A husband? As we sat there, my sister called my cell phone. (Not one for patience, she wanted news.) I answered quickly and told her that I would call just as soon as I had some information. The woman offered a bit of information about herself then. She said that she hadn’t told her sister that she was there because she didn’t want to worry her sister unnecessarily. She said that, if there was something to worry about, she would let her sister know then. I told her that I would pray for her, and for me, that neither of us would have anything to worry about.
Mariah came back and lead my mom and me into an ultrasound room. She asked me to feel for my lumps, then she felt them and, as my mom held my hand, she scanned the area where I felt them. The screen showed nothing more than tissue and muscle. Again, she asked me to feel for my lumps and, again, she scanned the area. The screen showed the same image – tissue and muscle. Mariah explained what we were seeing and assured me that everything looked normal. She said that I did have “lumpy tissue”, but that there were no lumps outside of that. She asked me to stay in the room and wait for the radiologist to exam me. My mom and I held hands and thanked God for His wonderful mercy. Soon the radiologist came into the room and she, too, asked me to feel for my lumps. She examined the area, then scanned it. She agreed with the technician that there were no lumps, just lumpy breast tissue. She said that it would be standard protocol to follow up the ultrasound with a mammogram. Because I am only in my 13th week of pregnancy, however, she felt that it would be appropriate to ask my OBGYN what her opinion would be. She said that, if my OBGYN feels it is necessary to have a mammogram, they would likely schedule it when I am a bit further along in my pregnancy. My OBGYN will get the results of my ultrasound soon and will call me with her recommendations. I feel very good about my ultrasound and am so thankful.
I often wonder why some people get bad news and others get good news…. My heart aches for women who sit in the chair I was sitting in, listening to the radiologist explain that they have cancer and what their future holds — mastectomy, radiation, chemotherapy…. I read a statistic today – 80% of breast cancer patients live at least 5 years past the date of their diagnosis. I began to think…. In 5 years Iszak would only be 16, my new baby would barely be 4. I thought about the moms who have read that statistic, knowing that they had breast cancer. I thought about the husbands of women with cancer. I thought about their sisters, their moms, their children. Breast cancer is so far reaching… It hurts so many more people than just the woman who is diagnosed. I will always hold close the memory of sitting in that waiting room, thinking about the women who sat there before me and the women who will sit there after me. I will pray for those women, for their families, for their friends….
I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father. I am thankful for His provision, for His hand upon my life. I am thankful for the stripes that He took on my behalf, for my healing. Isaiah 53:5 says, “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed.” Thank you, Jesus. I will never be able to comrehend the love You have for Your children, nor will I ever be able to comprehend the sacrifice that You made.
I am thankful for my family and friends who prayed for me. Phillipians 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” I am so blessed to have family and friends who obey this verse. Thank you all for your constant prayers and love.
In Him always, Beckie